June 19, 2014
After CPS/DHS gave me my son, I was thrust into a situation of re-negotiating the first custody contract. At first, I went down to file the paper work on my own. I obtained the same packet as the first time and filled it out. I went back and filed it within a month or two. The filing was about 4 or 5 months from when I received my son from CPS/DHS and I was going it without a lawyer.
Then I ended up moving out of county and I needed representation to cover me while I was not able to make it to court. I found a lawyer after lots of discussion with different lawyers. I tried to get one on lowered scales, but they were not interested in really handling the case, it appeared I would get what I paid for when it comes to service. Obtaining a good contract to protect my son was worth it, but it is a hefty price tag for someone with low income. A lawyer would not have been needed if both parties are considered equal in providing safe housing that is focused on providing proper care for the child.
In the end, the contract had holes, even though it was fairly restrictive. Also, enforcement as the other parent walks the line is tough because filing for contempt can work in the other parents favor because it can re-open the case for mediation. Mediation is called for even with a lawyer and the lawyer cannot be present. The only good part about having a lawyer is you have someone that can give you tips and can argue in court if the other side is being unreasonable.
After the dust is settled, I am glad I paid to get a lawyer and wish I could keep one at my side to relieve me of the stress of every future custody battle. Still, even with a lawyer, reviewing the mediated contract is important. My lawyer failed to notify me to change the wording and had I not become relaxed while paying for a lawyer, I might have noticed the problem with the wording and I could have had the problem fixed. There is no one who is going to care like yourself, not even a paid lawyer.
I thought it might be good to mention about a few things about legal aid and document preparation. Legal aide can only help one side due to conflict of interest, so hopefully you make it there before the other party if you are trying to get free legal advice. Document preparation can only help tell you what needs to filled out after you have attempted to fill out the documents. Document preparation has wait times on occasion and it can be upwards of a month before you can get an appointment, so plan in advance.
Oregon Dads need a site that can provide lots of information and tools for their success in parenting. I will be using this blog to give lots of information for all parents, but a I focus on trying to help Dads all over Oregon. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me: oregondadsconnection@gmail.com
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
My Son and The Other Parent's DHS/CPS Case
June 8, 2014
In earlier posts, I have mentioned the neglect and potential abuse done to my son, and I will mention a little about my experience with CPS/DHS in this post. I was thrust into dealing with CPS when I got a call to come get my son before the Police and CPS take him. I raced over and showed up as Police were getting to the location. My son's mother was involved in an altercation with one of her other children. My son was in the middle of the fight or at least, watching and hearing a real fight between to adult sized individuals. This experience was not good for my son and highlighted what might have been normal around my son's mother's residence.
I had to hang around my son's mother's residence while CPS/DHS did their reports and I provided them with all that I knew. The residence was in turmoil and it was hard to maintain control over my son while the environment was buzzing with excitement because of all the workers. The workers with Police were all over the house to straighten it all out. At completion of the investigation, I was told to leave and make sure the mother got no unsupervised contact from that point on.
A blessing and a curse was being released with my son. My son was not part of the case against his mother which meant, I was left to defend him from her. CPS/DHS goal is to re-unite families and they bugged me to the point of forcing me to allow visits with the other family. I was told I didn't have to allow visits, but they would fight to get the siblings visits which I felt was wrong because I didn't think his siblings care even a little about my son, just trying to ruin his happiness.
In the end, CPS/DHS did tell me a lot of information before they quit dealing with my son's mother, and I ended up a friend of the worker. I never had a problem with CPS/DHS, but I do think they trapped me in bad contracts because I had no lawyer when dealing with them. Also, I think only a year of obstacles for a multiple offender is not harsh enough. Still, I thank them for helping my son's mother's household because if it were not for them, my son might still be living in a terrible situation. To further defend my son, I had to obtain a lawyer, and I will cover my second court case against the mother in my next post.
In earlier posts, I have mentioned the neglect and potential abuse done to my son, and I will mention a little about my experience with CPS/DHS in this post. I was thrust into dealing with CPS when I got a call to come get my son before the Police and CPS take him. I raced over and showed up as Police were getting to the location. My son's mother was involved in an altercation with one of her other children. My son was in the middle of the fight or at least, watching and hearing a real fight between to adult sized individuals. This experience was not good for my son and highlighted what might have been normal around my son's mother's residence.
I had to hang around my son's mother's residence while CPS/DHS did their reports and I provided them with all that I knew. The residence was in turmoil and it was hard to maintain control over my son while the environment was buzzing with excitement because of all the workers. The workers with Police were all over the house to straighten it all out. At completion of the investigation, I was told to leave and make sure the mother got no unsupervised contact from that point on.
A blessing and a curse was being released with my son. My son was not part of the case against his mother which meant, I was left to defend him from her. CPS/DHS goal is to re-unite families and they bugged me to the point of forcing me to allow visits with the other family. I was told I didn't have to allow visits, but they would fight to get the siblings visits which I felt was wrong because I didn't think his siblings care even a little about my son, just trying to ruin his happiness.
In the end, CPS/DHS did tell me a lot of information before they quit dealing with my son's mother, and I ended up a friend of the worker. I never had a problem with CPS/DHS, but I do think they trapped me in bad contracts because I had no lawyer when dealing with them. Also, I think only a year of obstacles for a multiple offender is not harsh enough. Still, I thank them for helping my son's mother's household because if it were not for them, my son might still be living in a terrible situation. To further defend my son, I had to obtain a lawyer, and I will cover my second court case against the mother in my next post.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
My Son and Children's Disability/Special Needs
June 7, 2014
Around my son's second birthday, his Grandmother started to mention that he seemed behind on certain skills. The word Autistic was used in conversation and I immediately got defensive. I still took her words and looked at him to see if I saw some kind of issues. I agreed there were some behavioral stuff that just didn't seem right. I arranged a educational evaluation before he was two and a half years old. I made the evaluation without the knowledge of my son's mother, who was at that point the custodial parent. My son was too young for the educators to say anything was wrong and he did perform good for them in their defense.
Around a year later, Grandfather was spending time with him during the Summer without me and Grandfather would call me everyday. Grandfather would say there is something wrong with my son because he is way too hyper, and "Turbo" is going to be my son's new nickname. Shortly after the Summer, I received full custody of my son and I found him to be extremely aggressive and hyper. I immediately took him to the doctor where the doctor stated it looks like ADHD. I was told to get a evaluation done.
Evaluations have shown my son to have high anxiety, high energy and other emotional issues. I have felt doctors scared to give the ADHD diagnosis due to his age. It took close to a year to gain the proper support and it still falls short. My son has periods of high tension where he is aggressively in your face, and he won't stop. My son makes loud noises, for reasons only he knows, and he cannot sit still for more than 2-3 minutes without help. There is plenty of other weird behavior he does; maybe, I will cover some of it in a future post.
The struggle of a parent dealing with a child that has a behavioral need/disability is tremendous. You have to be able to watch for patterns to try and calm the bad periods down to a more normal level. I have zero control over the outbursts and it has been one of the toughest parts of it all for me and my family. Doctors can only help to a certain point then you are on your own. There are wrap around programs and other services, but finding a male centered environment is close to impossible.
Finally at close to five years of age, the school tested my son and came back that he might have ADHD. Then they suggested less school time to help him. They are still having him go less hours going into his next year. Most normal kids get a full day of school, five days a week unless there is a holiday or something special going on. When school is giving your kid back for several of those days or only taking your kid for an hour or two, it can really impede a parent's ability to do anything and I question how much can a kid to learn in that short of time. Schools don't want him in their extra care programs which I find disturbing.
I am displeased with the local school system because I don't think enough is being done for children with disabilities. I had to enlist a childcare service without an educational aspect to due my finances and I have found myself in rooms with educators that I don't think really understand my struggles. I have a kid with issues and no support to help through all his difficult periods, and school is failing my son, in my opinion.
My advice to a person at the beginning with a small child that appears to have a disability, I would get them to the doctor's early on. I should have taken my son while my son's mother had custody. I could have taken him as an emergency because it was really just that, an emergency. My son's mother failed to even acknowledge his early signs, so he didn't get the proper care while living with his mother.
I am still struggling with my son's disability, but I found extra support and it helps me in handling my current issues involving my son. I have done lots of searching and I will hopefully post some of the things I take him to do and other helpful groups or links that I have to help those looking for information.
Around my son's second birthday, his Grandmother started to mention that he seemed behind on certain skills. The word Autistic was used in conversation and I immediately got defensive. I still took her words and looked at him to see if I saw some kind of issues. I agreed there were some behavioral stuff that just didn't seem right. I arranged a educational evaluation before he was two and a half years old. I made the evaluation without the knowledge of my son's mother, who was at that point the custodial parent. My son was too young for the educators to say anything was wrong and he did perform good for them in their defense.
Around a year later, Grandfather was spending time with him during the Summer without me and Grandfather would call me everyday. Grandfather would say there is something wrong with my son because he is way too hyper, and "Turbo" is going to be my son's new nickname. Shortly after the Summer, I received full custody of my son and I found him to be extremely aggressive and hyper. I immediately took him to the doctor where the doctor stated it looks like ADHD. I was told to get a evaluation done.
Evaluations have shown my son to have high anxiety, high energy and other emotional issues. I have felt doctors scared to give the ADHD diagnosis due to his age. It took close to a year to gain the proper support and it still falls short. My son has periods of high tension where he is aggressively in your face, and he won't stop. My son makes loud noises, for reasons only he knows, and he cannot sit still for more than 2-3 minutes without help. There is plenty of other weird behavior he does; maybe, I will cover some of it in a future post.
The struggle of a parent dealing with a child that has a behavioral need/disability is tremendous. You have to be able to watch for patterns to try and calm the bad periods down to a more normal level. I have zero control over the outbursts and it has been one of the toughest parts of it all for me and my family. Doctors can only help to a certain point then you are on your own. There are wrap around programs and other services, but finding a male centered environment is close to impossible.
Finally at close to five years of age, the school tested my son and came back that he might have ADHD. Then they suggested less school time to help him. They are still having him go less hours going into his next year. Most normal kids get a full day of school, five days a week unless there is a holiday or something special going on. When school is giving your kid back for several of those days or only taking your kid for an hour or two, it can really impede a parent's ability to do anything and I question how much can a kid to learn in that short of time. Schools don't want him in their extra care programs which I find disturbing.
I am displeased with the local school system because I don't think enough is being done for children with disabilities. I had to enlist a childcare service without an educational aspect to due my finances and I have found myself in rooms with educators that I don't think really understand my struggles. I have a kid with issues and no support to help through all his difficult periods, and school is failing my son, in my opinion.
My advice to a person at the beginning with a small child that appears to have a disability, I would get them to the doctor's early on. I should have taken my son while my son's mother had custody. I could have taken him as an emergency because it was really just that, an emergency. My son's mother failed to even acknowledge his early signs, so he didn't get the proper care while living with his mother.
I am still struggling with my son's disability, but I found extra support and it helps me in handling my current issues involving my son. I have done lots of searching and I will hopefully post some of the things I take him to do and other helpful groups or links that I have to help those looking for information.
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