Attempts to Use False Claims To Modify Custody

                                                                                                                           11-7-2014




Well, my harassment letter set off the other parent and they filed for a change of custody. The change of custody was filed with the courts by a new lawyer for the other parent. The reasons for the change of custody are all false and unfounded.  The claims are use of dirty tactics to try and reverse a supervised parenting contract. I was actually surprised a lawyer would take a case when the other parent is involved in harassing behavior, but the lawyer must not be aware.

My first paragraph was written prior to obtaining my own representation. I have chosen to go with the lawyer that handled my case the last time around. My lawyer advised me that it sounds like they are just throwing darts trying to hit something. Still, there is the possibility this other parent will obtain more time and that time will be potentially unsupervised. My son has serious issues that emanated from living with the other family and to put him back for extended periods unsupervised is just plain crazy, but I guess a real possibility.


I am presenting my harassment information to my lawyer. My hope is that I have a case against the other parent for their harassing behaviors. I am unclear what consequences the other parent will face, but their bad behavior can't continue to go unchecked. Besides, the harassing behavior hasn't stopped even after the letter and the initiating of this court proceeding by the other parent.


A lot of my hopes are riding on that DHS wrote in their notes the danger of unsupervised visits for the other family as they closed the case. As DHS was closing the case, they advised me that the visits were unhealthy and they said the visits should be professionally supervised, but I asked for a letter stating that and they wouldn't produce it. I was told the reason for not giving me the letter was that the DHS supervisor doesn't like employees getting pulled into court battles and works to keep the workers out of the courts. Still, the closing documents might contain statements from the worker acknowledging the family is still volatile and the youngest child is best not being placed back with the other family for safety reasons. Besides,  DHS can be called into to court regardless to attest to the different issues involving this other family.

To further help my case, I have obtained for myself letters from medical staff that sees my son to prove that I am a safe and stable parent helping to provide the best care for my son. Letters from professionals can help to show that you are following the advice of those professionals and providing the best care for your child.


Overall, I can't say I like going through the legal system. The legal system takes up time and money and sometimes courts don't solve the problem. I don't believe the other parent and I can ever work out an amicable solution because we stand at opposite ends of the issue. My goal is to protect my son and if the other parent is unstable and could put our son in harm's way, I feel it is my duty to defend my son. I will post on how things are going as the information becomes available.

Harassment from the Other Parent(Non-Custodial)

                                                                                                                      10-4-14


About six months after the second contract was signed, my son's mother went through a period of harassment. The harassment consisted of calling several times and leaving insults on voicemails and in emails. I called the mediator when I realized there was a problem. The mediator advised my son's mother that what she was doing was inappropriate. Over the next six months, my son's mother was sort of calm, but recently she started harassing me again. This time I received numerous calls in a short period of time that started to glitch my phone because it was on call overload. I had no real choice except to call the police and see what could be done. I advised the police of the new recent insults on my voicemail and the phone call overload. The police advised me to warn the other party about their behavior because that is a requirement  for the behavior to be considered harassment. Also, the police said by calling I had helped make a log and I just needed to keep the date and time for mentioning to a judge in the future because the call is recorded and the call can be reviewed. Lastly, the officer said that I could file for contempt through the courts since the behavior is most likely a violation of the contract which it is a violation.

The fact is that you don't have to put up with a tremendous amount of disrespect and there are options available when the situation requires you to defend yourself. I would suggest caution with how you use the system, like make sure you have support for that the other person has been warned. I used the mediator in the beginning and I used a carefully written email recently and it will be followed by a contempt filing for the next outburst. I understand how hard it is to be insulted and not retaliate in order to build a stronger case against the person, but it is probably the best solution in many cases because as an old saying goes "cooler heads prevail."

 I am putting this information out there because I have had to research hard to figure out how to deal with my son's mother's harassing behavior.  Also, I understand this process might not be the best for everyone, but it is to help provide some tips on how to deal with a similar situation if you are facing one. Good luck and I will try to update or I will post on how this turns out if there are any major changes.





******Update*******

The other parent had a lawyer file for custody shortly after the letter. Shortly after I received the papers, the other parent harassed me in an email, so the matter is continuing. Although, I think the letter worked to some degree because the other parent has actually initiated a process that they will now have to explain their behavior to the judge.

My next post will discuss a little about the new case.

Oregon Activities and Events Links

 August 13, 2014


My son likes activites and I think it helps to teach children and get everyone out of the house doing something fun. I have a favorite list of sites that I use to find new and fun activities to do during the week and on weekends. I decided to provide a couple links to sites that help you find different activity places or announce events that are children centered. Good luck and I hope this helps.


Th first link below is focused on Portland:

http://www.nwkidsmagazine.com/kids-activities-and-things-to-do/


This second link is set as Eugene, Oregon; it is customizable for your city:

http://www.spenddaywithkids.com/home/placesAroundLocation?locationName=Eugene%2C+US%2C+Oregon&distance=100&orderBy=closest&_indoor=&indoor=on&_outdoor=&outdoor=on


The last link is similar to the second link, but is divided into more categories, and it is set as Grants Pass, Oregon; it is customizable to your city:

http://www.familydaysout.com/kids-things-to-do-usa/grants-pass/or/

Oregon Dental Help for Low Income or Uninsured

                                                                                                         July 29.2014



Low income or unisured can be tough when it comes to dental needs. I have done my own searching to get dental discounts and help. Oregon Mission of Mercy just completed a two day free clinic in Salem and is only schedule for another one next year, so if you are looking for another option I am going to provide some links to dental clinics that offer discounts for adults and free dental work for children without insurance. The dental clinics are all over Oregon with a few in Washington if I am right. Good Luck.

This dental link  I thought was the best at providing a detailed list of clinics and fees and services:

http://www.oregondental.org/custom/directory/community_access_dir.cfm

Other Dental links to help in your search:

http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/oregon_free_dental_centers.html


http://www.freedentalcare.us/st/oregon

Community Support and Housing

                                                                                                      July 19. 2014



I am going to post a few links that single dads or any single parent might need help. First off are a two links to community support  the ones to follow are for housing.


Oregon NAMI Community Resources:
http://www.nami.org/MSTemplate.cfm?Section=Support2&Site=NAMI_Oregon&


Polk County Assistance Programs:
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/polk_county_assistance_program1.html


The next couple of links are to housing help:

City of Salem Federal Programs:
http://www.cityofsalem.net/federalprograms

Oregon Community Action Agency:
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/oregon_community_action_agency.html


Oregon Rent Assistance(covers a few agencies all over Oregon):
http://www.rentassistance.us/st/oregon

My Second Custody Court Case

                                                                                                  June 19, 2014


After CPS/DHS gave me my son, I was thrust into a situation of re-negotiating the first custody contract. At first, I went down to file the paper work on my own. I obtained the same packet as the first time and filled it out. I went back and filed it within a month or two. The filing was about 4 or 5 months from when I received my son from CPS/DHS and I was going it without a lawyer.

Then I ended up moving out of county and I needed representation to cover me while I was not able to make it to court. I found a lawyer after lots of discussion with different lawyers. I tried to get one on lowered scales, but they were not interested in really handling the case, it appeared I would get what I paid for when it comes to service. Obtaining a good contract to protect my son was worth it, but it is a hefty price tag for someone with low income. A lawyer would not have been needed if both parties are considered equal in providing safe housing that is focused on providing proper care for the child.

In the end, the contract had holes, even though it was fairly restrictive. Also, enforcement as the other parent walks the line is tough because filing for contempt can work in the other parents favor because it can re-open the case for mediation. Mediation is called for even with a lawyer and the lawyer cannot be present. The only good part about having a lawyer is you have someone that can give you tips and can argue in court if the other side is being unreasonable.

After the dust is settled, I am glad I paid to get a lawyer and wish I could keep one at my side to relieve me of the stress of every future custody battle. Still, even with a lawyer, reviewing the mediated contract is important. My lawyer failed to notify me to change the wording and had I not become relaxed while paying for a lawyer, I might have noticed the problem with the wording and I could have had the problem fixed. There is no one who is going to care like yourself, not even a paid lawyer.


I thought it might be good to mention about a few things about  legal aid and document preparation. Legal aide can only help one side due to conflict of interest, so hopefully you make it there before the other party if you are trying to get free legal advice. Document preparation can only help tell you what needs to filled out after you have attempted to fill out the documents. Document preparation has wait times on occasion and it can be upwards of a month before you can get an appointment, so plan in advance.

My Son and The Other Parent's DHS/CPS Case

                                                                                                    June 8, 2014

In earlier posts, I have mentioned the neglect and potential abuse done to my son, and I will mention a little about my experience with CPS/DHS in this post. I was thrust into dealing with CPS when I got a call to come get my son before the Police and CPS take him. I raced over and showed up as Police were getting to the location. My son's mother was involved in an altercation with one of her other children. My son was in the middle of the fight or at least, watching and hearing a real fight between to adult sized individuals. This experience was not good for my son and highlighted what might have been normal around my son's mother's residence.

I had to hang around my son's mother's residence while CPS/DHS did their reports and I provided them with all that I knew. The residence was in turmoil and it was hard to maintain control over my son while the environment was buzzing with excitement because of all the workers. The workers with Police were all over the house to straighten it all out. At completion of the investigation, I was told to leave and make sure the mother got no unsupervised contact from that point on.

A blessing and a curse was being released with my son. My son was not part of the case against his mother which meant, I was left to defend him from her. CPS/DHS goal is to re-unite families and they bugged me to the point of forcing me to allow visits with the other family. I was told I didn't have to allow visits, but they would fight to get the siblings visits which I felt was wrong because I didn't think his siblings care even a little about my son, just trying to ruin his happiness.

In the end, CPS/DHS did tell me a lot of information before they quit dealing with my son's mother, and I ended up a friend of the worker. I never had a problem with CPS/DHS, but I do think they trapped me in bad contracts because I had no lawyer when dealing with them. Also, I think only a year of obstacles for a multiple offender is not harsh enough. Still, I thank them for helping my son's mother's household because if it were not for them, my son might still be living in a terrible situation.  To further defend my son, I had to obtain a lawyer, and I will cover my second court case against the mother in my next post.

My Case with the Oregon Department of Justice Child Support Division

                                                                                                 May 29, 2014

One of the parts of my story is about my case with the Department of Justice(DOJ) Child Support Division. I would like to start off by saying I never tried to fight the DOJ Child Support Division and always had a good attitude when dealing with them and my experience with the agency was good overall. Maybe the best way to put dealing with the DOJ Child Support Division is that "you give respect and you'll get respect."

 Close to a year after my son's birth, I received documents stating that a case was being opened against me. By the time the documents came, I was already in the hole for thousands of dollars because the money builds even while you are unaware a case is open. The DOJ Child Support Division  was  sending mail everywhere looking for me. The DOJ Child Support Division sent scary statements about stopping my license or Passport and other statements, but I just read it and settled down to think about my options. I will admit that I was very worried about being on the tab for lots of money and thinking that my son's mother was just sitting there not paying anything. My son's mother was receiving the money and it was not being appropriately spent on my son, but instead on his siblings or herself. Also, I had to provide for my son when he came to visit me.


My game plan was to go to DOJ Child Support Division and explain my financial situation to them. I brought in any documents they needed to show my income and I explained my monthly bills to them and what I could afford to pay them. My payment amount was far less than what they wanted, and they did make me sign a contract that was re-viewable. I believe the payment contract was re-viewable at 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. The main point is that they were willing to work with me and they would probably be willing to work with any parent that wants to be in good standing with them. Working with the DOJ Child Support Division allowed all my legal privileges to remain the same and it did make me feel better knowing I was doing my part. Every month I walked in my payment before the due date, for several years. If I had more to give, they gladly accepted it without adjustments needed to the contract. The arrears do grow, so you are still responsible for the money that adds up, but paying as you can is helpful.


There is more to my story including that I no longer have to pay child support. A few years ago my son was given to me by the Department of Human Services, Child Protection Services and the Child Welfare Division, due to a bad living situation with his mother which is a story I will cover soon in future posts. The closing out of an account requires both parties agreement to end seeking payments and it can take over a year. I chose not to seek child support from my son's mother because I knew she was broke at the time. I understand that many other men never get to see the document I have that closed the case, I am grateful for having my son and that I get to see him enjoy everything I give him, the time spent with him and that i get to ensure he has proper care on a daily basis.

Oregon Supplemental Rule 8.075, Mediation, and Filing for Custody

                                                                                                           May 28, 2014


I guess it is best to start off with my story before I can give information to help. I will divide my story into several readable sections that I will cover over several posts.

My son was born five years ago, and I was with the mother. Less than three months into his life, I ended up split from my son's mother. I was new to the whole being a father thing, and she helped to make me a part time father, at best, almost immediately. I was unaware of my rights and not prepared for court, among other life issues at the time and I thought maybe things would change.

During my life outside of the house, I received word that my son was potentially not being treated right by his mother and other people in the house including older siblings. I started to think about what to do, but I was still uninformed and afraid to use the legal process. I was seeing my son at his mother's descretion which was a couple of hours each week if that.  Close to the two year mark, my son's mother robbed me of seeing him for three weeks claiming excuses that I didn't believe and fearing my son's health and welfare, I ran down to the courthouse to obtain custody/visitation papers. Some of my family's advice was not to file, so I held them back until the next time his mother gave me a problem.

Shortly after getting the papers, my son was almost two years old and his mother was saying that I couldn't take him on trips out of state, and she said that he couldn't stay for a week or longer with me. When she made the threat to me about never letting him stay a week with me, I figured I would let the courts decide and filed papers.  Her reasoning was a two year old is too young to spend a week away from its mother which is totally wrong.

Anyways, I filed around my son's second birthday and immediately his mother's behavior changed. I started to get my son every weekend and he was getting to spend nights with no questions asked. To my knowledge, the court always orders mediation for custody cases, with a lawyer or not. Oregon has a standard package called Supplemental Rule 8.075 and I suggest reading up on Oregon Rule 8.075 and letting the mediator know you are informed and you would like that to be your basic starting point for negotiations, but make sure to do it during the opening of mediation. I made the request to follow Oregon Rule 8.075, but I made some changes to the package to get myself some extra time and other changes I felt were needed. The other party might not know the package, so you might have an advantage.  If the other parent argued against giving you Oregon Rule 8.075, they would need to have good reason, or they might be considered potentially difficult, and a judge would probably override them if they take it to court and they had no valid reason for being difficult. I don't want to oversimplify things because court can go several ways depending on people involved and their background and other important factors, but there is hope in the family law system for good parents trying to establish their rights if they are willing to use the system.

Either way, I see being prepared as the way to go into the mediation. Also, make sure to read the agreement before signing it.  There is nothing like sloppy or tricky wording when the mediator uses their own interpretation of your requests. My suggestion would be to provide the mediator with a written copy of how you want changes worded to fix those type miscommunication problems.  I got almost everything I wanted because the other party was just not prepared and might not have fully understood the package I was presenting.  My final warning to you is again to make sure you read the agreement well before signing.

My first dealings with the system was pretty cheap. I would say total cost for getting the first Custody/Parenting Plan was around $500 including filing fees, mediation, a parenting class and having the documents served and I think it was well worth the money. The contract gave rules for dealing with the other parent and if they failed to meet enough of the rules, I could call the authorities or file contempt papers. This was not the end of my court experience, but I will end this section before moving on to my next portion.


As  a disclaimer, I am not an attorney and not affiliated with any courts. My advice is from my own experience meant for the sole purpose of educating parents of potentially helpful information. The link I am providing is from Polk County and it is a version of their Rule 8.075, so you might be able to get an idea of what your county's Rule 8.075 would look like. 
http://courts.oregon.gov/polk/docs/parenting_time.pdf