5/12/15
Being a single Father, it is always a task to find play friends for my son. My network is not large and doesn't really include friends with children around my son's age. I have been to several play times with other Mothers, but friendships were hard to build and none really turned into more than a one time deal. The same for Father's that I met and had play times with, it seems that it is just plain hard building lasting play groups with parents that are pre-occupied. The one place that has been great for interaction for my child has been church.
I understand you would need to have some kind of spiritual grounding for attending church or at least the want for some spiritual grounding. Still, church does provide a good opportunity to get a minute away while your child can enjoy fun activities with other children around their age. Many churches have fun activities and teach many different things to children including biblical stories. My child has always enjoyed it and I have found that he actually learns in those environments.
Recently, I have found that church is also a good place to find possible babysitters. I have been in need of responsible people in case of emergency and the church provides an opportunity to find some people willing to help. The help my family has received from different churches is tremendous and many times when I needed it the most.
Beyond help with interaction for your children, churches provide other types of extra support. Often churches, do different donation drives and volunteer activities to help those in the community. Local churches are important in helping families provide in many different ways including food, clothes and toys.
The church has helped me on occasion and I understand it is difficult for some to accept help, but in some cases it might be needed. My hope with this post was to provide the answer of going to a church if you are a single parent in need for you or your child in any way. I am sure you can find a church that will accept you and help you get the support you need.
Oregon Dads need a site that can provide lots of information and tools for their success in parenting. I will be using this blog to give lots of information for all parents, but a I focus on trying to help Dads all over Oregon. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me: oregondadsconnection@gmail.com
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
A Custody Battle: The Third and Fourth Time Mediating
1/14/15
I never intended this blog to cover my case as detailed as I have been, but I am hoping it does help others realize they are not alone in their struggles. Also, I hope to provide insight to the whole process and the different feelings, situations, outcomes, details and other important stuff that pertains to different custody cases, in the effort to try and help others. At this point my lawyer has rejected the other lawyers claims with a dismissal and we have been ordered to mediation. This is actually the fourth time I am going to mediation, but the courts might only know about three times because the other party walked away from the bargaining table before there was any real agreement to take back to the judge on one of the occasions.
Before this time of mediation, I was instructed that I needed to attend the C.O.P.E. class at the YMCA again which cost $60 every time you take it and I have now found out is required more than once for many people. Also, court mediation orientation was also scheduled again to watch videos that I have already seen. Both C.O.P.E. class and the mediation orientation videos are very outdated in my opinion since they appear to be made in the 1980's or 1990's which I am surprised with all the ease at which they could make a new video or probably obtain new material. Certainly with the changes to families, certain things are good to mention and are not being mentioned in those videos, like the use of cell phones or emails as communication between parents and children.
This time around the other parent was not at the mediation orientation which I questioned and was told sometimes there separate times given. I was advised to contact the mediator within 3 days which I did. The mediation began and ended quickly with the other parent not wanting to fully negotiate and making the same requests for what was rejected with the lawyer's dismissal.
Close to Christmas, I find out the other the other parent's lawyer is stating the other parent doesn't need to go to mediation orientation which I don't think is going to fly with the judge. Since then, the other parent has been instructed to go to a new appointment for oreintation due to missing the first appointment. Basically, if one parent goes, you need to go too. Both parents need to show they can follow rules and it helps in knowing they both had the same information presented to them to help move the case along in a balanced format.
I never intended this blog to cover my case as detailed as I have been, but I am hoping it does help others realize they are not alone in their struggles. Also, I hope to provide insight to the whole process and the different feelings, situations, outcomes, details and other important stuff that pertains to different custody cases, in the effort to try and help others. At this point my lawyer has rejected the other lawyers claims with a dismissal and we have been ordered to mediation. This is actually the fourth time I am going to mediation, but the courts might only know about three times because the other party walked away from the bargaining table before there was any real agreement to take back to the judge on one of the occasions.
Before this time of mediation, I was instructed that I needed to attend the C.O.P.E. class at the YMCA again which cost $60 every time you take it and I have now found out is required more than once for many people. Also, court mediation orientation was also scheduled again to watch videos that I have already seen. Both C.O.P.E. class and the mediation orientation videos are very outdated in my opinion since they appear to be made in the 1980's or 1990's which I am surprised with all the ease at which they could make a new video or probably obtain new material. Certainly with the changes to families, certain things are good to mention and are not being mentioned in those videos, like the use of cell phones or emails as communication between parents and children.
This time around the other parent was not at the mediation orientation which I questioned and was told sometimes there separate times given. I was advised to contact the mediator within 3 days which I did. The mediation began and ended quickly with the other parent not wanting to fully negotiate and making the same requests for what was rejected with the lawyer's dismissal.
Close to Christmas, I find out the other the other parent's lawyer is stating the other parent doesn't need to go to mediation orientation which I don't think is going to fly with the judge. Since then, the other parent has been instructed to go to a new appointment for oreintation due to missing the first appointment. Basically, if one parent goes, you need to go too. Both parents need to show they can follow rules and it helps in knowing they both had the same information presented to them to help move the case along in a balanced format.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Oregon Child Car Seat Laws and The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration(NHTSA)
11/20/14
The other day I ran across child seat belt information, and I decided I might cover it in a post. Here is that post, and I will provide some information and the links to sources to get more information at the end. I researched both Oregon laws and information from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration(NHTSA). Oregon laws are pretty easy to understand, but there is a "national" "best practice recommendation" and it appears that is where things can get into a gray area. To my knowledge, the NHTSA helps to provide information to answer your general questions about the gray area and can offer guidelines that would probably cover all states.
Today, I am providing the basic text from Oregon.gov./odot to help resolve some people's questions quickly. For more detailed information, visit the links I have provided below.
For those that are interested in training, Oregon has scheduled courses on child passenger safety. Please note that from my research there is a fee charged for courses. The information on the fee schedule for courses can be found at this link here: http://cert.safekids.org/resources-faqs/fees
Good luck and let's keep those kids safe in the proper child seating restraints!
Information Taken From: http://www.oregon.gov/odot/ts/Pages/safetybelts.aspx
Oregon Laws:
"CHILD RESTRAINT LAW
Child passengers must be restrained in
approved child safety seats until they weigh forty pounds or reach the
upper weight limit for the car seat in use. Infants must ride rear-facing
until they reach both one year of age AND twenty pounds.
BOOSTER SEAT LAW
Children over forty pounds or who have
reached the upper weight limit for their forward-facing car seat must use
boosters to 4'9" tall or age eight and the adult belt fits correctly.
REAR SEATING FOR CHILDREN
There is no Oregon law specifically prohibiting children from riding in the front seat of passenger vehicles. However, a rear-facing infant seat cannot be placed in a front seating position that is equipped with an airbag because this would violate Oregon's requirement for "proper use" of a child safety seat. There is a national "best practice recommendation" calling for rear seating through age twelve.
REAR SEATING FOR CHILDREN
There is no Oregon law specifically prohibiting children from riding in the front seat of passenger vehicles. However, a rear-facing infant seat cannot be placed in a front seating position that is equipped with an airbag because this would violate Oregon's requirement for "proper use" of a child safety seat. There is a national "best practice recommendation" calling for rear seating through age twelve.
NATIONAL "BEST PRACTICE" RECOMMENDATIONS
Safety experts have published guidelines
which would keep children in each type of child seat longer than Oregon
law prescribes, in addition to back seating through age twelve. Click
the link for the latest national best practices recommendations from USDOT National Highway Traffic Safety.
BELT OR BOOSTER?
Belt fit can vary greatly from one
vehicle to another and one child to another. If your child meets
Oregon's legal requirements for moving from a booster seat to safety
belt but you still have doubts about whether your child fits in the belt
in your particular vehicle, then the following simple test can help.
Place your child in the vehicle without a booster seat and then ask
these questions. Until you can answer YES to all of the questions, your
child should stay in a booster seat.
1. Can the child sit all the way back against the vehicle seat?
2. Do the child's knees bend comfortably at the edge of the seat?
3. Does the shoulder belt cross the shoulder between the neck and arm?
4. Is the lap belt as low as possible, touching the thighs?
5. Can the child stay comfortably seated like this for the whole trip?
MOTOR HOMES
Motor homes are considered passenger vehicles under Oregon law and as such, adult belt and child seat requirements apply also to motor homes --- but only to forward-facing vehicle seating positions(those
meeting federal safety standards for seat belt anchorages).
Therefore, occupants should utilize all forward-facing belted positions
before using side or rear-facing positions.
COMMERCIAL VEHICLES
Oregon's safety belt law requires
occupants of privately-owned commercial vehicles transporting 15 or
fewer persons to use safety restraints including occupants of shuttles,
taxis, limousines and vans. Among these types of vehicles, taxi cab
drivers are the only occupants excepted from this rule.
ATVS
Oregon Parks and Recreation Department is the implementing agency for laws and rules relating to use of restraints on ATVs.
MEDICAL EXEMPTIONS
ORS 811.220 The Director of
Transportation shall issue a certificate of exemption under ORS 811.215
for any person on whose behalf a statement signed by a physician is
presented to the Department of Transportation. For a physician's
statement to qualify under this section, the physician giving the
statement must set forth reasons in the statement why the use of a child
safety seat system, or safety belt or safety harness by the person
would be impractical or harmful to the person by reason of physician
condition, medical problem or body size.
A safety restraint exemption cannot be issued for commercial drivers per Federal Code 392-16."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For information from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, it can be found at these links:
http://www.safercar.gov/parents/index.htm
http://www.safercar.gov/parents/Car-Seat-Safety.htm
Friday, November 7, 2014
Attempts to Use False Claims To Modify Custody
11-7-2014
Well, my harassment letter set off the other parent and they filed for a change of custody. The change of custody was filed with the courts by a new lawyer for the other parent. The reasons for the change of custody are all false and unfounded. The claims are use of dirty tactics to try and reverse a supervised parenting contract. I was actually surprised a lawyer would take a case when the other parent is involved in harassing behavior, but the lawyer must not be aware.
My first paragraph was written prior to obtaining my own representation. I have chosen to go with the lawyer that handled my case the last time around. My lawyer advised me that it sounds like they are just throwing darts trying to hit something. Still, there is the possibility this other parent will obtain more time and that time will be potentially unsupervised. My son has serious issues that emanated from living with the other family and to put him back for extended periods unsupervised is just plain crazy, but I guess a real possibility.
I am presenting my harassment information to my lawyer. My hope is that I have a case against the other parent for their harassing behaviors. I am unclear what consequences the other parent will face, but their bad behavior can't continue to go unchecked. Besides, the harassing behavior hasn't stopped even after the letter and the initiating of this court proceeding by the other parent.
A lot of my hopes are riding on that DHS wrote in their notes the danger of unsupervised visits for the other family as they closed the case. As DHS was closing the case, they advised me that the visits were unhealthy and they said the visits should be professionally supervised, but I asked for a letter stating that and they wouldn't produce it. I was told the reason for not giving me the letter was that the DHS supervisor doesn't like employees getting pulled into court battles and works to keep the workers out of the courts. Still, the closing documents might contain statements from the worker acknowledging the family is still volatile and the youngest child is best not being placed back with the other family for safety reasons. Besides, DHS can be called into to court regardless to attest to the different issues involving this other family.
To further help my case, I have obtained for myself letters from medical staff that sees my son to prove that I am a safe and stable parent helping to provide the best care for my son. Letters from professionals can help to show that you are following the advice of those professionals and providing the best care for your child.
Overall, I can't say I like going through the legal system. The legal system takes up time and money and sometimes courts don't solve the problem. I don't believe the other parent and I can ever work out an amicable solution because we stand at opposite ends of the issue. My goal is to protect my son and if the other parent is unstable and could put our son in harm's way, I feel it is my duty to defend my son. I will post on how things are going as the information becomes available.
Well, my harassment letter set off the other parent and they filed for a change of custody. The change of custody was filed with the courts by a new lawyer for the other parent. The reasons for the change of custody are all false and unfounded. The claims are use of dirty tactics to try and reverse a supervised parenting contract. I was actually surprised a lawyer would take a case when the other parent is involved in harassing behavior, but the lawyer must not be aware.
My first paragraph was written prior to obtaining my own representation. I have chosen to go with the lawyer that handled my case the last time around. My lawyer advised me that it sounds like they are just throwing darts trying to hit something. Still, there is the possibility this other parent will obtain more time and that time will be potentially unsupervised. My son has serious issues that emanated from living with the other family and to put him back for extended periods unsupervised is just plain crazy, but I guess a real possibility.
I am presenting my harassment information to my lawyer. My hope is that I have a case against the other parent for their harassing behaviors. I am unclear what consequences the other parent will face, but their bad behavior can't continue to go unchecked. Besides, the harassing behavior hasn't stopped even after the letter and the initiating of this court proceeding by the other parent.
A lot of my hopes are riding on that DHS wrote in their notes the danger of unsupervised visits for the other family as they closed the case. As DHS was closing the case, they advised me that the visits were unhealthy and they said the visits should be professionally supervised, but I asked for a letter stating that and they wouldn't produce it. I was told the reason for not giving me the letter was that the DHS supervisor doesn't like employees getting pulled into court battles and works to keep the workers out of the courts. Still, the closing documents might contain statements from the worker acknowledging the family is still volatile and the youngest child is best not being placed back with the other family for safety reasons. Besides, DHS can be called into to court regardless to attest to the different issues involving this other family.
To further help my case, I have obtained for myself letters from medical staff that sees my son to prove that I am a safe and stable parent helping to provide the best care for my son. Letters from professionals can help to show that you are following the advice of those professionals and providing the best care for your child.
Overall, I can't say I like going through the legal system. The legal system takes up time and money and sometimes courts don't solve the problem. I don't believe the other parent and I can ever work out an amicable solution because we stand at opposite ends of the issue. My goal is to protect my son and if the other parent is unstable and could put our son in harm's way, I feel it is my duty to defend my son. I will post on how things are going as the information becomes available.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Harassment from the Other Parent(Non-Custodial)
10-4-14
About six months after the second contract was signed, my son's mother went through a period of harassment. The harassment consisted of calling several times and leaving insults on voicemails and in emails. I called the mediator when I realized there was a problem. The mediator advised my son's mother that what she was doing was inappropriate. Over the next six months, my son's mother was sort of calm, but recently she started harassing me again. This time I received numerous calls in a short period of time that started to glitch my phone because it was on call overload. I had no real choice except to call the police and see what could be done. I advised the police of the new recent insults on my voicemail and the phone call overload. The police advised me to warn the other party about their behavior because that is a requirement for the behavior to be considered harassment. Also, the police said by calling I had helped make a log and I just needed to keep the date and time for mentioning to a judge in the future because the call is recorded and the call can be reviewed. Lastly, the officer said that I could file for contempt through the courts since the behavior is most likely a violation of the contract which it is a violation.
The fact is that you don't have to put up with a tremendous amount of disrespect and there are options available when the situation requires you to defend yourself. I would suggest caution with how you use the system, like make sure you have support for that the other person has been warned. I used the mediator in the beginning and I used a carefully written email recently and it will be followed by a contempt filing for the next outburst. I understand how hard it is to be insulted and not retaliate in order to build a stronger case against the person, but it is probably the best solution in many cases because as an old saying goes "cooler heads prevail."
I am putting this information out there because I have had to research hard to figure out how to deal with my son's mother's harassing behavior. Also, I understand this process might not be the best for everyone, but it is to help provide some tips on how to deal with a similar situation if you are facing one. Good luck and I will try to update or I will post on how this turns out if there are any major changes.
******Update*******
The other parent had a lawyer file for custody shortly after the letter. Shortly after I received the papers, the other parent harassed me in an email, so the matter is continuing. Although, I think the letter worked to some degree because the other parent has actually initiated a process that they will now have to explain their behavior to the judge.
My next post will discuss a little about the new case.
About six months after the second contract was signed, my son's mother went through a period of harassment. The harassment consisted of calling several times and leaving insults on voicemails and in emails. I called the mediator when I realized there was a problem. The mediator advised my son's mother that what she was doing was inappropriate. Over the next six months, my son's mother was sort of calm, but recently she started harassing me again. This time I received numerous calls in a short period of time that started to glitch my phone because it was on call overload. I had no real choice except to call the police and see what could be done. I advised the police of the new recent insults on my voicemail and the phone call overload. The police advised me to warn the other party about their behavior because that is a requirement for the behavior to be considered harassment. Also, the police said by calling I had helped make a log and I just needed to keep the date and time for mentioning to a judge in the future because the call is recorded and the call can be reviewed. Lastly, the officer said that I could file for contempt through the courts since the behavior is most likely a violation of the contract which it is a violation.
The fact is that you don't have to put up with a tremendous amount of disrespect and there are options available when the situation requires you to defend yourself. I would suggest caution with how you use the system, like make sure you have support for that the other person has been warned. I used the mediator in the beginning and I used a carefully written email recently and it will be followed by a contempt filing for the next outburst. I understand how hard it is to be insulted and not retaliate in order to build a stronger case against the person, but it is probably the best solution in many cases because as an old saying goes "cooler heads prevail."
I am putting this information out there because I have had to research hard to figure out how to deal with my son's mother's harassing behavior. Also, I understand this process might not be the best for everyone, but it is to help provide some tips on how to deal with a similar situation if you are facing one. Good luck and I will try to update or I will post on how this turns out if there are any major changes.
******Update*******
The other parent had a lawyer file for custody shortly after the letter. Shortly after I received the papers, the other parent harassed me in an email, so the matter is continuing. Although, I think the letter worked to some degree because the other parent has actually initiated a process that they will now have to explain their behavior to the judge.
My next post will discuss a little about the new case.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Oregon Activities and Events Links
August 13, 2014
My son likes activites and I think it helps to teach children and get everyone out of the house doing something fun. I have a favorite list of sites that I use to find new and fun activities to do during the week and on weekends. I decided to provide a couple links to sites that help you find different activity places or announce events that are children centered. Good luck and I hope this helps.
Th first link below is focused on Portland:
http://www.nwkidsmagazine.com/kids-activities-and-things-to-do/
This second link is set as Eugene, Oregon; it is customizable for your city:
http://www.spenddaywithkids.com/home/placesAroundLocation?locationName=Eugene%2C+US%2C+Oregon&distance=100&orderBy=closest&_indoor=&indoor=on&_outdoor=&outdoor=on
The last link is similar to the second link, but is divided into more categories, and it is set as Grants Pass, Oregon; it is customizable to your city:
http://www.familydaysout.com/kids-things-to-do-usa/grants-pass/or/
My son likes activites and I think it helps to teach children and get everyone out of the house doing something fun. I have a favorite list of sites that I use to find new and fun activities to do during the week and on weekends. I decided to provide a couple links to sites that help you find different activity places or announce events that are children centered. Good luck and I hope this helps.
Th first link below is focused on Portland:
http://www.nwkidsmagazine.com/kids-activities-and-things-to-do/
This second link is set as Eugene, Oregon; it is customizable for your city:
http://www.spenddaywithkids.com/home/placesAroundLocation?locationName=Eugene%2C+US%2C+Oregon&distance=100&orderBy=closest&_indoor=&indoor=on&_outdoor=&outdoor=on
The last link is similar to the second link, but is divided into more categories, and it is set as Grants Pass, Oregon; it is customizable to your city:
http://www.familydaysout.com/kids-things-to-do-usa/grants-pass/or/
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Oregon Dental Help for Low Income or Uninsured
July 29.2014
Low income or unisured can be tough when it comes to dental needs. I have done my own searching to get dental discounts and help. Oregon Mission of Mercy just completed a two day free clinic in Salem and is only schedule for another one next year, so if you are looking for another option I am going to provide some links to dental clinics that offer discounts for adults and free dental work for children without insurance. The dental clinics are all over Oregon with a few in Washington if I am right. Good Luck.
This dental link I thought was the best at providing a detailed list of clinics and fees and services:
http://www.oregondental.org/custom/directory/community_access_dir.cfm
Other Dental links to help in your search:
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/oregon_free_dental_centers.html
http://www.freedentalcare.us/st/oregon
Low income or unisured can be tough when it comes to dental needs. I have done my own searching to get dental discounts and help. Oregon Mission of Mercy just completed a two day free clinic in Salem and is only schedule for another one next year, so if you are looking for another option I am going to provide some links to dental clinics that offer discounts for adults and free dental work for children without insurance. The dental clinics are all over Oregon with a few in Washington if I am right. Good Luck.
This dental link I thought was the best at providing a detailed list of clinics and fees and services:
http://www.oregondental.org/custom/directory/community_access_dir.cfm
Other Dental links to help in your search:
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/oregon_free_dental_centers.html
http://www.freedentalcare.us/st/oregon
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